YAll I want to do is to find a way back into love.<3
|
Friday, June 1, 2012 Y  You don't have to lie, i know many of you must be waiting for me to update this blog. I can't wait too. I have been busy and when I say that i'm busy. I really am. I've never felt as busy when I was in Year 2 or Year 1 and I hardly sleep so late until recently. Year 3 is definitely not an easy year either. Maybe all this tiredness is because of the fact that I start school 2 weeks later compared to the rest. This is what school does, when they want to implement things they try it out on one unlucky batch and that batch just have to include me. Just imagine, when everyone was enjoying first week of school, where usually most tutorial classes are cancelled, we were asked to finish up our tutorial. No such things as cancelling of class, in fact we had extended classes instead because all the teachers indirectly put the blame on us for starting school 2 weeks later. My friends and I were obviously tired, we went straight for internship just 4 days after our exams, go through the internship for 8 weeks and start school for another 6 weeks. We were put through a torturing process of no breaks or holiday. Even people who work could take a break but for us to take a break, we had to think twice. Especially for me, I still had to continue with my tuition and work at the market on saturday and go for my sunday class without fail. It wasn't an easy process. Don't even mention my schedule during holiday. I was just talking to Amanda before i took my last paper today, telling her about my holiday schedule.I told her " Amanda, i do not have a break, i'm giving tuition tmrw and then I need to help out in my cousins wedding at night, afterwhich on saturday i will help out at the market then go for my cousins wedding, sunday i've got to go for class and then my cousins wedding. Monday, i've got tuition. Tuesday, tuition and group meeting, wednesday tuition, Thursday, back to school for event briefing and Friday, Tuition again and the process continue. Saturday-Work, Sunday-Exam. Monday- Ceremony Rehearsal, Tuesday- Actual event and Tuition, Wednesday tuition and so on and so forth." I'm out almost everyday from next week onwards, not forgetting all the project deadlines that are so close. Holiday is equal to more work than rest. I remember telling you, I hate to complain. Just take this as if I was actually sharing my plight and asking for some support okay.hehe. But please, don't lead the kind of life I am leading. If you can take a break, please do. I understand that I do not want to take tuition as of this year but i feel bad at rejecting peoples offer. Each time i think back, the reason why I decided to give tuition was to help people ace in their studies in whatever way I can. I had a conscious mind, i did it out of goodwill and I was genuine. Unfortunately, some people under my guidance failed. I don't know if it was because of me or was it because they have themselves to blame. I've done my best as a tutor, to make plans and to even go to the extent of having tuition twice a week, not making time for friends especially. However, some things just don't go your way. If I can turn back time or have more time, I would plan out a proper study plan for them and work together with them to achieve the goal they had in mind. It pains me to see them crying because they didn't do well and do not know where to go after that. Part of me felt like a failure. I had to be strong and continue my effort, in a hope that i will turn the tables around and bring out successful people one day. I'm still working hard to improve myself. I'm a fallible human being and that is one thing, i have to admit. I do not know where to begin, there is so many great things that happen that I've yet to share with everyone. I can't even recall some of it. Life has been a memorable journey thus far. My optimism has taken a toll, in a good way. It changes me inside out. I've finally let go of all leadership position because its time for me to take a break and hold less responsibility. I am more or less focus with school work however my new phone is a distraction. Every few minute must check for updates. If given a chance, i would love to use my pink phone back. Save cost, save money and save many many other things. I've been smiling radiantly and laughing a lot too. I became the cheerful girl I once was. I'm glad that I'm not in any relationship that would jeopardise my happiness. As long as i'm not ready, being attached is not something i look forward too now. I can think of that later. When the perfect time comes. I'm happy being friends with everybody, like i said in my previous post, " to meet all men in absolute equality". As much as i feel jealous looking at happy couples. I have to stand up for my own happiness now, I've been hurt too many times and I want the next one to be perfect for me. Let me explore myself and find clarity to the meaning of love. Until then, I need to sleep. My dad says I'm getting fat so i need to start jogging back. Yes, I'm determined to gain some muscles this holiday. I know I can. My ♥ will always be for you Sunday, May 20, 2012 Y    My Oath, |